Lots of people see me. I am sorry. I have no idea why it's so hard for me not to attract attention to myself. I realize that sounds vain, or conceited but I assure you it comes from the most humbling, bumbling, trying desperately to be a better person but can seem to make it work's heart. If it makes you feel better, I feel as though it's maybe never the right people who take notice. Either way, it seems they crawl out of the shadows and out of the alley ways as I pass by....they whistle, they call, they throw insults, they glare....they whisper as I walk by and I can feel the harshness of it on my back. Sometimes they are brave enough to come up to me. They start talking...they tell me how pretty I am, how special, how wanted. For a moment I feel it, understood...maybe even loved, but I know all I have to do is wait. Their words will trip up, they will stumble....and I'll realize...They don't see me. They see who they want me to be and I graciously give them their show.
Can you see me? Can you see into the depths of my soul? Can you see who I am even though I don't even truly know that yet? I have been a puppet for so long. The marionette being pulled by the strings...but you...I need you to come up to the stage. To watch the wooden figure hardened from being tossed to and fro. You'll fall in love with who it is, not what it's doing or what it can do for you. I'll see your face, longing to cut the strings and set me free, knowing they are held by something far grander then you can control. I smile and I continue.....because your love gives me the strength to keep performing.
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